More changes...

I feel like the past few weeks have just been a whirlwind. We haven't been terribly busy, but emotionally it has been a little draining. We have constantly been talking about what our next move should be and trusting that the Lord will provide. It is so amazing to watch God work in our lives when we have the patience to listen and obey (easier said than done). Thankfully, Scott is much more patient than I am and has been content to wait and let God's plan unfold. Ultimately we have felt lead to start our own business although the timing just doesn't seem good. Scott wants to go back to building houses, which most of you know seems crazy right now. However, in the last couple of weeks he already has two houses in Guthrie to build and a couple of other prospects. The way things are coming together is just so amazing and affirming. We are still nowhere close to our previous income, but we are continuing to trust that things will fall into place as our needs arise.

On that note, we decided to put our house on the market and downsize. Our plan is to build a smaller, cheaper house in Guthrie and reduce our mortage significantly. This should help us get our business up and running without the additional stress of worrying about money. We will be sad to leave our first house, especially since Scott built it, but know we are making a wise decision.

In baby news, I am still pregnant :). This shouldn't be the case for long though. We are more ready than ever to see our sweet girl. I'm pretty sure we have everything we could possibly need to bring her home. We are all SO excited.

So, we are starting a new business, having a new baby, selling our house, and building a new one, hopefully all this summer. Whew, its exhuasting just typing it!

Emory Ayn

This is the sonogram we had done yesterday at our high-risk specialist. He said she looks absolutely wonderful. You can kind of see what she is going to look like. It was hard to get a good 4D pic because she wouldn't hold still, but you can still tell she is going to have puffy cheeks!

I will be 37 weeks on Monday, so Emory could arrive at any time now. We are so excited and so ready to have her with us.

Before she comes, I want to share the story of how and why we decided to have Emory. I mainly want to share so I don't forget the process we went through and what God showed us. I also want her to be able look back one day and see how much we wanted her and how the Lord guided us in this difficult decision.

For us, deciding to have another baby was a time consuming and stressful process. It actually started years ago when we found out Lilly was sick. The disease Lilly had is autosomal-recessive, meaning any child Scott and I conceive together has a 25% chance of having the same disease. Since the disease is terminal and has no treatment, the thought of having another sick baby is virtually unbearable. So, even before Lilly died, we had pretty much decided not to have any more children--at least through conventional methods. We were so set on this decision that I dropped my maternity insurance.

After Lilly died, I really started thinking about having more children again. I mentioned the idea to Scott and he totally shot it down. There is no way he was willing to take the risk, especially so soon after losing Lilly. I started researching every possible alternative for having a child (IVF, adoption, etc...) and nearly drove myself and Scott crazy. Finally, I just decided rest and stop thinking about it for a while. It was during this time that God really began to speak to me and to Scott.

During the span of a month or two the Holy Spirit revealed 3 things to me about having this baby. The first thing I really felt the Lord tell me was "Do not be afraid." Basically he was telling me that the fear of having a sick child was not a good reason not to have another baby. He reminded me that fear was not of Him and no matter what happened He would be with us. The second thing was slightly more vague. I felt the Lord say "Everything will be ok." I took this to mean that whatever we chose to do, it would ok. This could mean lots of things. It could mean that Scott and I would be good without any more kids. It could mean that if we decided to have another child, the child could be sick or healthy. No matter what the decision was, everything would work out fine and be ok. The final thing was absolutely the deciding factor for me. God reminded me that Lilly was perfect. He designed her EXACTLY the way she was and since he doesn't make mistakes, she was exactly how he wanted her to be. Hmmm...why would he want her to be sick? Why did he design her mitochondria so they wouldn't produce enough energy for her body to function? I have no idea. I only know what He told me that day--she was perfect--just as he intended and this baby would be too. To recap...

1. Do not be afraid
2. Everything will be ok
3. Lilly was perfect and the next baby will be too

Obviously I'm sharing all of this with Scott as the Lord reveals it to me. Still, he wasn't sold. Finally, God helped Scott catch a vision for our new little one by reminding him of all the experiences he had with Lilly. Scott was able to look back over our time with her and he didn't have a single negative memory. Of course, bad things had happened, but he wouldn't classify the experience as a negative one. Armed with the reassurance of our Savior-we decided to have another baby. Four weeks later I found out I was pregnant!

We couldn't be more excited about this new little life. We know the risks. We know that God didn't tell us she is going to be healthy. We know that the first few months will be difficult as we wait to see what is in store for our little girl. We KNOW that no matter what the Lord is with us.

Milestones

Getting Liberty to sleep in her own bed, in her own room has been a significant challenge. She started out great. At 6 weeks she was in her own bed and at 2 she was in her big girl bed. I thought I was the best mom ever to have accomplished this feat so early on and with very little trouble. However, when Lilly got sick all that changed. We were all separated for 5 months and since only one person was home with Liberty at a time, we got in the habit of letting her sleep with us. When we finally brought Lilly home from the hospital, Scott and I still slept in separate rooms--one slept with Lilly and the other with Liberty. This arrangement didn't really bother us until Lilly died. At that time, Scott and I obviously wanted to return to sleeping in the same bed together since it had been over a year. It quickly became apparent that 3 was going to be a crowd. However, since Liberty had just lost her sister, I didn't feel good about pushing her to sleep in her room. One tramatic event at a time was the theory I was working with. However, about 6 months ago Scott and I decided it was time to start the transition process. The first few months were very difficult. Each night was a battle. It probably didn't help that we would often let her talk us into sleeping in our bed. When we would actually get her to sleep in her bed, she would still get up in the middle of the night and get in bed with us. I decided I could work with this, since we still got a few hours of alone time. I thought eventually she would just start sleeping through the night. Finally going to bed got much easier. I added lullaby music, which I had done when she was a baby and this seemed to help her fall asleep. Still, she has been getting up in the middle of the night. Last week we added a canopy to her bed and put a box fan in her room. Apparently the combination of music, canopy, and fan was magic because Liberty has slept the past FOUR nights in a row in her own bed!!! This is a HUGE milestone for us. I hope we can continue the trend until its the "norm." Liberty attributes her success solely to the "princess canopy" over her bed. Whatever it is, Scott and I are thankful to have her sleeping in her own room before the baby gets here.

Baby Shower

We had my baby shower on Sunday and it was SO much fun. What could be better than being pampered by wonderful women and getting the cutest baby stuff ever! I was worried that Emory might be naked for the first few weeks of her life since I had absolutely no clothes for her. Not only will she not be naked, she will be the best dressed newborn around. I have several friends who have a talent for making cute baby clothes and hair bows. This is just one of several super cute onesies Emory will be sporting this summer.

Her middle name is on her bottom. Too Cute!

Me and Liberty

My amazing hostesses

The best cake ever--chocoloate chip. Yum!

In addition to clothes I also got a high chair, bouncer, and much needed neccessities like binkies, swaddle blankets, and diapers. I now feel confident that we can bring Emory home and we will have everything we need. There are still a few big things that I would like to have before Emory comes home, but nothing that we can't live without.

I am almost 36 weeks now and we are all so ready for our new princess to be here. I keep looking at her little newborn diapers and I can't believe she is really going to be that small, especially since Liberty is about to turn 5! Liberty is especially excited. She is such a big girl and I know it is going to be both a blessing and a challenge that she wants to help so much.