Emory Ayn

This is the sonogram we had done yesterday at our high-risk specialist. He said she looks absolutely wonderful. You can kind of see what she is going to look like. It was hard to get a good 4D pic because she wouldn't hold still, but you can still tell she is going to have puffy cheeks!

I will be 37 weeks on Monday, so Emory could arrive at any time now. We are so excited and so ready to have her with us.

Before she comes, I want to share the story of how and why we decided to have Emory. I mainly want to share so I don't forget the process we went through and what God showed us. I also want her to be able look back one day and see how much we wanted her and how the Lord guided us in this difficult decision.

For us, deciding to have another baby was a time consuming and stressful process. It actually started years ago when we found out Lilly was sick. The disease Lilly had is autosomal-recessive, meaning any child Scott and I conceive together has a 25% chance of having the same disease. Since the disease is terminal and has no treatment, the thought of having another sick baby is virtually unbearable. So, even before Lilly died, we had pretty much decided not to have any more children--at least through conventional methods. We were so set on this decision that I dropped my maternity insurance.

After Lilly died, I really started thinking about having more children again. I mentioned the idea to Scott and he totally shot it down. There is no way he was willing to take the risk, especially so soon after losing Lilly. I started researching every possible alternative for having a child (IVF, adoption, etc...) and nearly drove myself and Scott crazy. Finally, I just decided rest and stop thinking about it for a while. It was during this time that God really began to speak to me and to Scott.

During the span of a month or two the Holy Spirit revealed 3 things to me about having this baby. The first thing I really felt the Lord tell me was "Do not be afraid." Basically he was telling me that the fear of having a sick child was not a good reason not to have another baby. He reminded me that fear was not of Him and no matter what happened He would be with us. The second thing was slightly more vague. I felt the Lord say "Everything will be ok." I took this to mean that whatever we chose to do, it would ok. This could mean lots of things. It could mean that Scott and I would be good without any more kids. It could mean that if we decided to have another child, the child could be sick or healthy. No matter what the decision was, everything would work out fine and be ok. The final thing was absolutely the deciding factor for me. God reminded me that Lilly was perfect. He designed her EXACTLY the way she was and since he doesn't make mistakes, she was exactly how he wanted her to be. Hmmm...why would he want her to be sick? Why did he design her mitochondria so they wouldn't produce enough energy for her body to function? I have no idea. I only know what He told me that day--she was perfect--just as he intended and this baby would be too. To recap...

1. Do not be afraid
2. Everything will be ok
3. Lilly was perfect and the next baby will be too

Obviously I'm sharing all of this with Scott as the Lord reveals it to me. Still, he wasn't sold. Finally, God helped Scott catch a vision for our new little one by reminding him of all the experiences he had with Lilly. Scott was able to look back over our time with her and he didn't have a single negative memory. Of course, bad things had happened, but he wouldn't classify the experience as a negative one. Armed with the reassurance of our Savior-we decided to have another baby. Four weeks later I found out I was pregnant!

We couldn't be more excited about this new little life. We know the risks. We know that God didn't tell us she is going to be healthy. We know that the first few months will be difficult as we wait to see what is in store for our little girl. We KNOW that no matter what the Lord is with us.